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A Childhood of Contradictions
"What is it we are looking for to feel whole?"
I never intended to write my whole life story, but for some reason, it seems all relevant in regards to share a glimpse of why I do what I do. For you who're reading, I hope this story may give a small perspective of another life in this universe. We all have our paths and mine is one of many. I believe by sharing our stories we can inspire each other to live in perhaps new unexpected ways out of our own habits. I love reading others stories, and this is me putting a fraction of mine in text. I'm aware that not everyone will read this, so in some way this sharing is also for myself to get a clarity of the small various details that brought me where I am today.
So, here it goes,
I'll try to start from the beginning.
I was born while both of my parents were in their studies. They were in performing arts school and in the beginning I'm told I often laid around under the Grand Piano watching them jump, sing and dance around in class.
Parents and Youth
My mother kept working within acting and singing up until today, and my father got into Yoga when I was 6 years old and teacher until this day.
It still sounds crazy in my ears, but I grew up between Performing arts and Yoga from a very young age, two very different worlds. The joy of expressing my inner world through music and dance was always a very liberating and nurturing experience, whereas yoga and spirituality had a way of entering the deep silence within adding serene an ancient philosophy of how to live a good life as well. They were not always easy to blend, and it did cause a lot of confusion, not only peace and love.
Both my parents, R. Alexander Medin & Sara Lindh are very driven and successful in their craft. At moments I wonder if this made me lazy, rebellious and less driven at points. No matter what, they've really have influenced my life and my path and following the heart of what means something to. There was always a search and fullness in many of their actions.
They were both rebels sort of. Went their own way by going a direction both artistically and life style wise which challenged the norms. Taking massive steps from changing let's say their own family backgrounds.
My father moved to London when I was 7, and I ended up living there regularly every holiday until I was 19. I spent my youth travelling a lot between Hong Kong, India and London as he lived in all these places. It made me see a lot and get incredible amount of perspective on cultures and ways of living, but I never spent much time at home in Sweden with friends.
Friendships and fitting in
Up until today, I don't have many friends left from my youth in my age, but I know a lot of people around the world. Good or bad? Tricky questions i'd say.
I grew up a lot among various fields of friends. Never part of just one group. First as a 10 year old, I was in Royal Ballet School. Then I quite out of shame due to certain friends which influenced my sense of what was accepted. It brought me in to other movement forms, which seemed cooler. Later in my mid-teens I had a lot of shame for quitting, due to wanting to dance again on a high level. It was a huge challenge to deal with this dilemma of fitting in and doing what felt right.
I guess being highly sensitive, wasn't making it easier, and it took a long time to accept the path that I actually took in the end.
During my travels, my life was different. I always practiced and assisted my father teaching within the tradition of Ashtanga Yoga. There was no shame there, and I felt proud of having a father who did something very unique. I met many incredibly inspiring people along the way, and this practice taught me a lot about the body and how powerful it is to work with breath and meditation.
In Stockholm where I grew up I was practicing dance and music. I studied Breaking, Hip-Hop, Aikido, Kung Fu and other martial arts as well as voice training through my whole youth. Yoga wasn't so present back home. Besides dancing and training, I got into a lot of small crime and various adventurous behaviour.
It was a lot of fun, but also got me into a lot of trouble. Not only for me, but through the years and years later, i've also lost many friends due to overuse of drugs and other activities which brought them off the system. Some died, and some ended up in psychosis. Nowadays I have no touch with anyone from my childhood.
Around 2005, I got Into Contemporary Dance, which opened a new world for creativity and sense of freedom of the body. This path was a gateway for me to somehow free myself from the lifestyle I was living. It brought me a lot of focus and curiosity for life.
Finding balance in young adult life
As I grew older I dedicated myself more to dance and singing as a main practice. My father was living between India and London, so I still spent a lot of time travelling. He gave me the chance to see a lot, and being home in Sweden I started practicing more Yoga and meditation on the side of dance and music.
"I had been a strong rebel in my youth, doing all sorts of crazy things, and somehow the field of Yoga and Art saved me".
Yoga gave me a sense of peace and calm, but dance and music allowed me to express myself in ways Yoga couldn't.
I couldn't seem to find an understanding of how to combine both, but started noticing how dance could also give me a deep sense of peace and inner freedom.
I felt Yoga lacked the expressive nature, which I felt a great sense of joy. Somehow along the way I started questioning the way art is practiced since the spiritual awareness of Yoga seemed so profound. Even if I felt it was healing, a lot of times it seemed like people just practiced for results and achievement based mentalities.
"These two worlds can sometimes seem a bit conflicting, although in my view they need each other".
From Youth until Today & The Listening Body
a practice that came from trying to integrate my experiences.
It's taken me many years to find a sense of clarity of what path I'm walking in this life. I had many confusions what i wished to do as a profession. I've always had many interests, and perhaps talents too. A privilege and a curse I could say. Some years I went into dance, and others cooking, and one year I though this is it going into sales, spending a year making so little that I almost couldn't cover rent and getting into some sort of depression.
Now life isn't all about profession right, but it's a big part of our lives how we spent most of our time, so for me it felt important to have something I could really enjoy and feel certain with.
Truth is, I never felt certain with anything. I had danced my whole life, and still didn't feel good enough to pursue a profession. The last five years I realized I actually could live from mainly dance anyway. So who's perspective was I referring to?
It's taken me until today to see
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